rituals Archives - The Good Birth Project

Mother’s Day 2020

It’s Mother’s Day and the whole world is postpartum right now. At least, that’s what life feels like to me in this Pandemic. Everyone’s in their pajamas for a chunk of the day, we’re all isolated, cooking, cleaning, care taking, working – rinsing and repeating. Everyone’s having one long day; not knowing which day and what time it is.

Unlike those postpartum weeks though, where we feel so alone, thinking the whole world is just continuing on at warp speed without us, Covid-19 has us all in the exact same time warp. Remember how you never heard the word “fussy” until you had a baby? Then every other word was fussy, fussy, fussy. Now the word is “pivot”; pivot, pivot, pivot.

In mid-March, Indy, Dave & Lena (now 16 months if we’re talking time warp) came up to visit with us in our sweet, little (emphasis on little) cottage in Vermont for a long weekend. Then New York City turned into a war zone and there was no going back to Brooklyn.

I get to kiss Lena good morning and good night. I get to feed her, change her and bathe her. We have our weekday afternoon adventures on the farm while Mommy & Daddy tend to people feeling all the Pandemic/ Postpartum feelings

I get to say, “chuka, chuka, chuka, chuka….allllll aboard the schlafe (“sleep”) express; passing on tradition from my Viennese mother, before she goes up to bed. I get to rock her when she wakes up from her nap, still not quite ready to take on the rest of the day. I get to inhale that intoxicating elixir of warm sleep wafting from her head. Living with Lena brings me back the feelings, all of them, the sensory experiences, the physicality and the cadence of mothering a toddler. As a grandmother and as a mother living alongside Indy as she mothers.

I have no idea how long all of this will last; how many more months I will get to live in this intensely cozy, magnificently messy multigenerational family. All I do know is that I will treasure this time for the rest of my days. And I have a Pandemic to thank for this Mother’s Day gift.

These pictures, left to right are Indy & Hallie with Liberty just after I gave birth, Hallie & Liberty with Lena after Indy gave birth and Hallie and Liberty with Lennon after Hallie gave birth. There is life to be lived, even in a Pandemic…

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone everywhere who has mothered or is mothering anyone……
with so very much love,

Lisa

Follow Friday | Postpartum Resources for the “Longest Shortest Time”

The “Longest Shortest Time”…the best description EVER of life with your newborn, borrowed from the brilliant podcast of that name. I like to be really real about the highs and lows of newborn parenthood. It’s important that we talk about postpartum honestly so we don’t feel alone, judged and inadequate. The voices in our own head are tough enough, but let’s support one another; like one big sleepover (without the sleep). Here are some of my favorite places online that I hope will help carry you for even a moment through the longest shortest time. Plus a hug from me. I am just a phone call or text away if you need me.

1: Postpartum Support International: They have a 24-hour confidential helpline with over 300 trained support professionals who will listen, answer questions, offer encouragement and connect you with local resources if needed, available in English & Spanish

“You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.”

Call: 1.800.944.4773. Text:503.894.9453.

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2: Healing Baby Bath | This video of a newborn bath given by Sonja Rochel, a baby nurse at the Thalasso Clinic in France, captures how she helps newborns transition from the womb to the world in the most healing way. After watching this, you’ll want to know what she says about how to do this safely at home with your newborn (or somehow magically appear moments after you’ve given birth).

“I take the time … for such a young baby so soon after birth, the memories of being in their mommy’s belly are still very vivid … and with the bath I want her to re-live those beautiful moments, and cherish them.”

You can read more about Sonia Rochel’s ‘Thalasso Baby Bath’ technique here.

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3: Dr. Angellique Millette | She is a gift to all of us around infant, toddler and child sleep. She is a trained midwife, infant and pregnancy massage therapist, birth and postpartum doula, childbirth educator, lactation educator, parent coach, and child and family, therapist. Oh, and she has her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology.

The biggest plus is that Dr. Millette is one of the kindest people I know. Sign up for her newsletter and check out her archived webinars on all sleep topics for instant help. I also LOVE this Hands To Heart Sleep Swaddle that Dr. Millette created based on her work.

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BONUS: Watch & Listen

‘The Longest Shortest Time.” You won’t feel so alone when you listen. Especially the earliest episodes. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Hillary Frank.

Reflections of Motherhood. This is your “virtual village” of mothers to mothers.

Follow Friday | About Breastfeeding

Last week I shared with you some of my favorite places online for all things birth-related – this week I’m focused on some support-full Breastfeeding Resources for all of you new and expecting parents. Breastfeeding is a duet that requires practice by you and your baby. Preferably without any “shoulds” and with all the nonjudgmental support you deserve.

1: Waiting to Inhale; How to Unhurry the Moment of Birth by Mary Esther Malloy is a beautiful commentary on keeping birth for the parents.

Riley is born into her father’s and midwife’s hands.

“But just as we are now appreciating what occurs when we respect a baby’s ability to find its mother at birth, what I am seeing with Laura and other mothers is heightening my respect for and understanding of our own abilities as women to find our babies at birth. When we do not rush through the moment of birth, but honor the pause that marks the center of this sequence, what happens, in my experience, seems to be nothing less than a paradigm shift of equal significance.

For we are not only finding our babies, we are also finding ourselves as mothers, and finding our way into a new state of being.

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2: KellyMom.com | All too often, breastfeeding sites are more dogmatic than I feel comfortable with. I’m drawn to the lactation consultants who subscribe to the “let’s just feed the baby” non-dogmatic support camp. Kellymom is a great site for up to date, evidence-based information around all things breast and bottle feeding that just does that.

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3: Mamava | So proud of Mamava, a Vermont based company started by two women. Download their app on your phone to locate one of these wondrous pods to breastfeed in a clean and private space. Imagine that…

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BONUS: What To Watch | Here are a series of videos on Baby-Led Latching that offer an alternate perspective to the current “put the baby to breast immediately after birth”. In these videos, you’ll see these most remarkable instincts and skills with which babies are born to find their way to your breast on their own, known as the “newborn crawl”.

Baby-led latching video by Milk Meg

Baby Led Latching video by Breastfeeding for Parents

Scarymommy Newborn Crawl to Breastfeed video from the World Health Media Project

This video helps you see and hear how it sounds when your baby is swallowing so you can hear the “clicks”.